So tonight I had two friends from La Cañada come visit me. It was probably one of the strangest things that has happened to me since leaving LCHS.
Remy and Lauryn were always good friends. I've gone to school with them since 3rd grade. When Lauryn posted on my wall on my birthday that she was going to be in Paris I was ecstatic. Normally there is that feeling of dread when I am supposed to go meet people that I haven't seen in a long time, but I was just excited to see both of them. I hadn't really talked to either since I had graduated, with the exception of a few instant message conversations over the last three years.
When they were here naturally we talked a lot about our experiences in high school. We gossiped about secretes we didn't share because they were THE most important things in our lives, which now didn't mean anything (the secrets, not our lives). We had a few drinks and just caught up. It really got me thinking though, about how much I miss La Cañada.
When we were in Morocco, my dad and JoAnn closed the deal on our house. For the first time I have no residence in California. My mom moved to Boulder the summer after my senior year of high school and Dad did the same to Texas. I always felt a connection to LC mainly becuase we were still renting out our house there. But now that connection is gone. Except it isn't.
It is kind of hard to explain. I remeber when I was going off to UCSB, my brother tried to make me feel better about not going back to LC. He told me that my social group moved on to college with me. And that is very true. I love the friends I've made at SB. They are some of the best I have ever had. But there is that little something that is missing. The kids at SB only know college A.J. Remy and Lauryn, and everyone else that I went from third grade to twelfth grade knew who I was, who I was becoming and all had ideas about who I was going to be. It is really weird knowing that there are people I used to see every day for years that I haven't talked to in years.
I mean, these two lovely young women are a fine example. I had classes with them throughout high school. I would see them every day. We all had the same group of friends. We all were in the same AP classes. We all kind of just knew each other. And it is strange how simple it is for us to go years without talking to one another. The even stranger part is how normal everything is when we got together. It felt like we were right back in LC. Instead of my kitchen in Paris, we could have been in Remy's living room or Lauryn's family room. Nothing had changed, yet we are all incredibly different people.
I can't say that my experience is unique, in that I have changed a lot since going off to college. I can say my experience is unique in that I am the only one who ever has or ever will experience it. So I can appreciate those who empathize and sympathize with what I am feeling, but they will never one hundred percent understand what it is I am trying to portray. They may come close, but this is an experience only I can ever really know.
The one thing that I have learned with all that I have gone through (granted in the grand scheme of things it isn't a lot) is that every decision, choice, everything I have ever done or said, has lead me to this moment. If I could go back and relive any part of my life, I would do everything the same. If I changed something, who knows where I would be now. It is possible I could have an alternate reality that is much better than this one. But I have learned to be content with what I have and love the ones I'm with. And I've also learned that there is an equally large chance that the alternate reality may not be nearly as wonderful as what I have.
I've always been one to take things for granted. It is probably one of my biggest faults. Instead of praising what is good, I denounce what is bad. When I first got out of La Cañada High School all I could remember was how terrible the administration treated the students, how crappy some of the teachers were, some of the terrible decisions t hat were forced upon the student body. Now that I have time, perspective and a little bit of wisdom I can remember the nights driving around with my friends, getting the 2:00AM Lucky Boy breakfast burrito, going to the high school dances and just having a great time. I can remember the long conversations about our future and feeling how everything I was doing or saying was SO incredibly important. I'm sure in ten, twenty or even thirty years I will look back on this blog and thing about how stupid I sound now for trying to sound all deep and wise, but c'est la vie.
That is the course that our lives take. Every day brings more experiences that allow us to put what we go through in perspective. I love my friends at UCSB, I love Paris and more and more I am remembering fondly my years at La Cañada.
Remy and Lauryn were always good friends. I've gone to school with them since 3rd grade. When Lauryn posted on my wall on my birthday that she was going to be in Paris I was ecstatic. Normally there is that feeling of dread when I am supposed to go meet people that I haven't seen in a long time, but I was just excited to see both of them. I hadn't really talked to either since I had graduated, with the exception of a few instant message conversations over the last three years.
When they were here naturally we talked a lot about our experiences in high school. We gossiped about secretes we didn't share because they were THE most important things in our lives, which now didn't mean anything (the secrets, not our lives). We had a few drinks and just caught up. It really got me thinking though, about how much I miss La Cañada.
When we were in Morocco, my dad and JoAnn closed the deal on our house. For the first time I have no residence in California. My mom moved to Boulder the summer after my senior year of high school and Dad did the same to Texas. I always felt a connection to LC mainly becuase we were still renting out our house there. But now that connection is gone. Except it isn't.
It is kind of hard to explain. I remeber when I was going off to UCSB, my brother tried to make me feel better about not going back to LC. He told me that my social group moved on to college with me. And that is very true. I love the friends I've made at SB. They are some of the best I have ever had. But there is that little something that is missing. The kids at SB only know college A.J. Remy and Lauryn, and everyone else that I went from third grade to twelfth grade knew who I was, who I was becoming and all had ideas about who I was going to be. It is really weird knowing that there are people I used to see every day for years that I haven't talked to in years.
I mean, these two lovely young women are a fine example. I had classes with them throughout high school. I would see them every day. We all had the same group of friends. We all were in the same AP classes. We all kind of just knew each other. And it is strange how simple it is for us to go years without talking to one another. The even stranger part is how normal everything is when we got together. It felt like we were right back in LC. Instead of my kitchen in Paris, we could have been in Remy's living room or Lauryn's family room. Nothing had changed, yet we are all incredibly different people.
I can't say that my experience is unique, in that I have changed a lot since going off to college. I can say my experience is unique in that I am the only one who ever has or ever will experience it. So I can appreciate those who empathize and sympathize with what I am feeling, but they will never one hundred percent understand what it is I am trying to portray. They may come close, but this is an experience only I can ever really know.
The one thing that I have learned with all that I have gone through (granted in the grand scheme of things it isn't a lot) is that every decision, choice, everything I have ever done or said, has lead me to this moment. If I could go back and relive any part of my life, I would do everything the same. If I changed something, who knows where I would be now. It is possible I could have an alternate reality that is much better than this one. But I have learned to be content with what I have and love the ones I'm with. And I've also learned that there is an equally large chance that the alternate reality may not be nearly as wonderful as what I have.
I've always been one to take things for granted. It is probably one of my biggest faults. Instead of praising what is good, I denounce what is bad. When I first got out of La Cañada High School all I could remember was how terrible the administration treated the students, how crappy some of the teachers were, some of the terrible decisions t hat were forced upon the student body. Now that I have time, perspective and a little bit of wisdom I can remember the nights driving around with my friends, getting the 2:00AM Lucky Boy breakfast burrito, going to the high school dances and just having a great time. I can remember the long conversations about our future and feeling how everything I was doing or saying was SO incredibly important. I'm sure in ten, twenty or even thirty years I will look back on this blog and thing about how stupid I sound now for trying to sound all deep and wise, but c'est la vie.
That is the course that our lives take. Every day brings more experiences that allow us to put what we go through in perspective. I love my friends at UCSB, I love Paris and more and more I am remembering fondly my years at La Cañada.
No comments:
Post a Comment